This post has been on my heart for a while as I start looking towards my third year of college (time please slow down). Around this time, I start to get sentimental thinking back on how much I have grown since I was a senior in high school. I can't help but think of all the people currently in those shoes and this post is for you! I want you to know that everything I say in here is because I have gone through it first-hand. Some of it is inevitable but some of it I hope you learn from my mistakes. When you see yourself a year from right now, who do you see? Whatever you thought of, I am begging you to think bigger than just having sorority letters in your Instagram bio or picturing yourself at a darty in a fraternity yard. Do not get me wrong, I'm not going to act like I don't have "Bama Phi Mu" in my bio or I don't go to darties on weekends but I don't find my identity in those things. They're added perks of college but they are not everything, and thank God that is not all there is to these 4 years. With that being said, let me share with you a couple of tips that I wish someone would have told me. If you are constantly looking for "better" versions of life you will always be disappointed with the life you have now.There was never a time in my first few months of college that I went to bed and felt completely sure I was right where I was supposed to be. I was so busy comparing my life to all the other "what if" roads that I missed out on opportunities that were right in front of me. In your first few weeks of college you will be faced with so many decisions that you will make on your own. Sometimes you will not feel sure about the decision or what you are doing at all. You will find yourself asking "Is this what I'm supposed to be doing?" all the time. In those moments you have to trust in God's plan for you and know that even when it does not feel like it, you are right where you should be. Do not spend those first months of college wondering what your life would have been like if you went to the other college you were deciding between, thinking about the other sorority you took to pref, dwelling on the high school relationship that went to a different school, etc. When you are actively looking for something "better" you will always find something you believe is "better". All of this has flaws because it was made by man and man is imperfect. Whatever option you're looking at that seems to be better has flaws, I promise you. If you spend all of your time dwelling on the "what-ifs" you will miss SO much of the good happening right around you. My biggest regret of college is how much time I wasted wondering if I did everything right. When you constantly have anxious thoughts about where you are then you are ultimately not relying on the promise that God will not leave you. God has a plan for you in this stage of life even when He seems far. I am not going to lie though, you are not just going to one day feel as if "this is it". Part of trusting in God's plan is waking up every. single. day. and making a choice to believe that you are right where you should be. If you take anything from this I hope it is that you are not going to search on your computer every night for other schools or scroll though your other friends sorority posts. You are going to wake up and find the good in your own life and trust that this is exactly where you should be. The devil preys on vulnerability and there is nothing more vulnerable than a first-semester college freshman.I think the caption mostly speaks for itself on this one so I'll keep it short. I promise you the words "someone is praying on my downfall" will come out of your mouth in those first couple of weeks. You'll wake up late for class, that boy is going to start getting dry, your Lulu skirt is going to get stuck up your book bag, and then you'll probably do bad on a test all in the same day. You might even have days that make this scenario seem like a breath of fresh air. The truth is, someone is HOPING you fall down. The devil is literally sitting there waiting for you to fall down because if he can get you when you are down then it is A LOT harder to stand back up. During those days where nothing goes your way please promise me you will lean into God more than ever. Just because it does not feel like it sometimes, does not mean He is not right beside you. College is a place where your Faith can flourish or it can wither away. Let this be the place where you grow a more intimate relationship with Jesus. you will find your forever friends even if it takes a little timeI ask myself every day how I went 18 years without knowing the girls I know now. Making friends and finding your "bridesmaids" in college can be absolutely brutal. I thank God every day for my freshman year roommate because in those times where I thought I'd never meet my "group", I knew I always had her (942 forever Reagan). It took me a couple of months before I found the girls that I now cannot live without. Don't go into Bid Day thinking you'll walk out with your group, while I hope that happens for you that will not always be the case. You'll meet your best friend when you're sitting down in the dining room by a random girl who took her senior trip to your hometown. You'll meet them when you take random pictures with girls you barely know to send to your mom. You'll meet some of them a whole year later when you're on your 5th day of work week and absolutely exhausted. You may meet your Big Sister in a huge music lecture. Some of them you'll meet 2 years into college abroad in France where you all came as strangers but left inseparable (C&IS in France forever). My favorite part of college is how natural friendships happen. You will not have to force what is meant for you but you also cannot sit in your dorm all day. Take a picture with the random girl, sit at the table of people even if you have no idea who they are, go out to dinner with the strangers in France. It is going to take time and effort, but it will happen. I promise. Also, I AM YOUR FRIEND!!! If you ever feel lost or lonely do not be afraid to DM me or text me. I am your biggest cheerleader. it was never that seriousWhatever baggage you came into school with, I am going to need you to drop it immediately. I know that sounds harsh and this section is when I am going to be the friend who has your best interest at heart even when sometimes you don't want to hear it. Life is hard and you may be holding onto a lot of things that happened in high school, your personal life, your family, a relationship, etc. Whatever weight you have was not meant for you to carry alone. Give it to God and tell yourself you have to let it go for you. I used to take everything so serious in life and would work myself up over the TINIEST thing. I learned this year that whatever you are upset about right now will probably not matter in just a little bit. You can let it bother you by continuing to think about it or bring it up. You also have the choice to wake up and tell yourself that you are so much more than whatever is holding you back. Those things that make you upset and keep you up at night are the very things that will hold you back from so many amazing opportunities in school. I know it sounds easier said than done to just "let it go" but I am going to be so for real with you right now, it actually is that easy, you just must not want to let it go bad enough. The way you feel about things is a choice and you get to decide how you are going to let it dictate your life. I am not saying that whatever you have is invalid or that it is not serious but if you let it haunt you then you will spend the rest of your life running from it. Whatever you are bringing into this year that is heavy, I want you to look at it right now and say "Nah I'm better than this and I want to find my identity in things that lift me up and not weigh me down". Coming from experience, being the "sad girl" of the friend group gets miserable really quick. There are so many days where I want to wake up and just let it all creep in but I promised myself that I won't let that happen so I literally just say "No" to those feelings. spend time with your friends, family, and pets but don't let the sadness of leaving home keep you from the joys of college. it gets easier and easier every drive back, i promise.Even if you think you want nothing more than to leave home and get away from your small hometown, there will be a day where you are crying in your bed because you miss your dog or you just really need advice from your mom. Those moments suck but believe me when I say it gets easier every day. Going home those first couple of times freshman year was so hard for me. I always pulled out of the driveway to go back to school with tears down my face. Now, I can confidently tell you as I'm writing this I am itching to get back to school. It is completely normal to miss home and that does not make you "weak". Missing home also does not mean you do not love where you are now. You can love school and still miss home simultaneously. Do not let missing home keep you from getting to enjoy everything college has to offer. The more you can get involved in, the easier it is to find your place at school. A big reason for me personally on why I missed home a lot freshman year is because I didn't really feel like I had my "thing" in college. I got involved in whatever I could and now I have opportunities and roles that I have to try to keep from being my whole personality because I love them so much. Your relationship with family will start to look different too but don't let change be a bad thing. The relationship I had with my mom in high school is very different than the one we have now but I absolutely love this phase we are in more than how it used to be and I think it is absolutely beautiful. At the end of the day, you'll miss home but FaceTime is always there and everyone is so proud of you. Find the things and the people that make school feel like home and one day you will be equally as excited to go to either place! You do not have to go out Tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday, and saturday to have the "full college experience".Keeping this one short and sweet. Go out and have your fun but trust me when I say there will be plenty of times to have fun. Game days, date parties, weekends, darties, girls night, and so much more will be worth staying in on some of those random weekday nights. If you're going out every night trust me, you will only wake up every day anxious and probably have some regret (not worth it). Drink water, go to class, do your homework, call your mom, and have fun!
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If it were possible for the me writing this right now to go back in time and talk to the me about to go into 2022... these 6 points would be what I would make sure to tell her. 1. Your dad is going to cheat on your mom and leave your family for another woman. Well we're off to a real rocky start. I put this first because obviously this was the most pivotal part of the year and arguably of my life. If you don't know me or my family let me give you a glimpse. I live in a perfectly sized house that has always felt like home. A mom and dad, a sister who is my best friend, and a golden retriever. I always have been spoiled growing up and I have never had to worry about anything. Until this April... things kind of changed. The point of this post isn't to get into my family drama so I'll spare the details. No one teaches you how to act when something like this happens. I don't think there is an expected way to act in this situation. There will be people who take this moment to try and tie it back to God. There will be people who have pitchforks and are ready to stand up for you and lash out. There will be people who comfort you and try to make the pain go away. There will be people who sit beside you, meet you where you are... and just reaffirm that your life sucks and thats okay. None of these people are wrong and every person who knew about my situation helped me and showed me a kind of love that I did not even know existed. I would be lying if I told you I never acted in a way that was un-Christian like... I did. Many, many times and I probably still will. Even though I do believe I've come a far way in handling my emotions since May. One of the hardest parts of it all has been being away at college. While some may think it has been easy and served as a distraction, I can't help but feel guilty that I am somewhere where I have the luxury to just "forget" even though its always in the back of my mind. I don't know if it is the oldest daughter in me that feels as if I have to carry it all on my back but I have struggled so much with feeling like it isn't fair to my mom and sister that I'm away and they're still at home dealing with it. I have constantly had to remind myself that I have done nothing wrong. There is nothing I did to deserve this and it is not my responsibility to hold things together. It was my dads responsibility to stay and he couldn't do that. Everything past that falls on him. Not me, a 19 year old college student. If you have ever felt like this, no matter what your situation may look like. I want to tell you right now you have nothing to be guilty of. You cannot help that at this point in your life you aren't somewhere where you can try and hold things together. That is not your job. I also want to tell you that there is no step by step guide that tells you how to handle these kinds of situations. Just promise me you'll keep showing up everyday. I don't speak to my dad right now because it's too hard. I'm still hurt. The wounds have not even begun to heal. One of the last things I told him is that I will not be the girl people feel sorry for because her dad left. My life is so much more than the things that happen to me. Ever since that conversation I have made sure I get up and find the things I want people to remember me as and know me for. 2. You will make some of the most amazing friendships and wonder how you ever lived without them. After the very long, emotional first point I made I wanted to take the time to brag on the best thing that has ever happened to me, my friends. To the me in January of 2022 who still needed one more nudge to know she was right where she was supposed to be. You'll get that nudge in July after a really long day of rush workshop. You'll be sitting around girls and you'll catch yourself picturing them in bridesmaids dresses. You'll talk about the future like set-in-stone plans and not just what-ifs. These kind of friends aren't the ones who are always going out with you. They're the friends who hold you accountable and aren't afraid to tell you when they're disappointed. These are the friends that you can knock on their door at 8 in the morning, on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and one will curl your hair while the other wipes your tears. These are the friends who are not afraid to stand up for you in rooms you may not be in. These are the friends who push you to grow your relationship with God. These are the friends who will buy tickets to a Pitbull concert with you the day before and have the most memorable night ever. These are the friends who spend way too much money and go through lots of stress to get Taylor Swift tickets with you. These are the friends who make sure your work is done and you've studied for your tests. I could go on... but you get the point. To the person out there who still does not feel like they have found their place or their people. It takes time. It took me a whole year to be able to confidently say there is nothing about my life I would change. Use this season of loneliness as a growth point and not a point to stay stagnant. I promise you, one day it will all just fall into place. 3. Going to Church will make you upset, a lot. I'm sure this title puzzled you a bit. Growing up going to the same Church every Sunday. Being the first baby Baptized in your Church... I was distraught after my first Sunday in a new church. I was away from home, walking in alone, not knowing a single face, there was not an unspoken claimed spot for me to sit. I remember crying during every song, wondering how a place that used to feel so comfortable for me can now make me squirm with unfamiliarity. I hated that I had to ask for directions to find the Sunday school room or that I didn't know the usher who greeted me at the door. Growing in your faith in college is hard. Not because of the reasons people think... getting there is not even half as hard as sitting in a pew realizing that your faith is not your moms or your sisters or a place you sat in the sanctuary. Your faith is yours. While it is SO difficult to find a new Church home, you've done plenty of hard things. Have you ever thought that there is a reason it feels like this? God is giving you a nudge and telling you it's time to take it up a notch. It's time to mature in your faith just a little more. So, for the girl going into 2023... Be the familiar face on Sundays. No one ever grew by sitting on the back row and leaving before the last hymn was over. 4. It's okay for home to just be your "hometown" now. I can't even begin to tell you the amount of times I have grieved a place that still exists. After one and a half years, Tuscaloosa has started to feel a lot more familiar than Daphne. It's crazy how a place I grew up in can become just a small part of my life. I also think it is wonderful that I am in a place that has allowed me to experience so many things and mature into an adult that I don't feel a longing to be back home. Sure, I miss my mom, sister, and dog but I don't miss traffic on 98. I used to love driving down 181 but now I'd rather be taking a drive down University right as the sun is setting. I used to feel so bad about the fact that Tuscaloosa felt a lot more like my home than my actual "home". I constantly remind myself that I was placed at UA for a reason and it is a good thing I have adapted to a place so well. Daphne will always be where I'm from but there is so much out there to experience. I am forever thankful for the memories and the community I have grown up in and know I wouldn’t be here without my village. I think that is part of the reason it was so hard to come to terms with how I felt. I can confidently say I cannot wait to see how many more cities or states I will have an address in, even if its just for a little bit. 5. Keep items in your online cart for AT LEAST a day before clicking purchase. Now that you are working a real job and get paychecks it’s so nice to see money in your account. But Anna Claire... you are so impulsive. When you're shopping late at night you tend to let the tired thoughts win and fill your cart up. Please let it sit there for like a day. I promise if you come back to it tomorrow you won't like that dress as much as you thought you did. 6. You can absolutely miss an opportunity that is meant for you if you're holding onto habits or memories from the past.
Whether it was missing the body I had in 10th grade, wishing I still could run as fast as I did in 8th, still thinking what-if about the same boy, missing the dance days (especially when competition season is going on), or wishing I still had the drive I did in 11th grade. I have spent a LOT of time fixated on my past. They tell you not to compare your life to others but I’d argue to also not compare your life to what it was 3, 4, or even 7 years ago. You are meant to grow and change and learn new things. Do you know how boring life would be if it was always the same? Sure, there were good moments that I miss a lot... but the memories I'm making now will one day hold the same nostalgia the other ones do. I spent a lot of this past year wishing I could have certain things from my past or make things work. Guess what? Every time I tried to replicate something from the past or make something workout I have ended up disappointed. There is a life I am living right now and things happening in front of my face and I will miss it if I don't start living for the now. I know there is a saying that "what's meant to be will find you" but I don't fully believe that. I truly believe if we spend too much time looking backwards or replicating a part of our life from the past then we will miss opportunities that are flying past us right now. You don't have to look in your past for something good... I promise you there is good in the now. |
AUTHORAnna Claire Kinsey ARCHIVES |